What Do You Say to a Poet About to Read?

We all know the expression “Break a leg” that is said to an actor about to take the stage. The equivalent for a ballet dancer is, translated, “Shit on the beach” (in French, equally graphic, it sounds to our English-speaking ears more elegant, exotic).

But what does one say to a poet about to give a reading? The expressions above (e.g., break a leg) are based on the magical premise that to wish someone “good luck” will actually bring bad luck. Thus to wish the opposite, “shit on the beach,” will bring a clean performance. What is the equivalent for a modern reader/poet?

At the recent Scissortail Creative Writing Festival in Ada, Oklahoma this came up as I wished encouragement for a reader about to take the stage & I wondered if “break a leg” would be appropriate. Someone suggested an alternative, “Don’t piss on the mic.” But according to magical theory that would cause the poet to actually piss on the mic, which of course one would not want for many reasons, electrical being only a very obvious one. Which then engendered the suggestion, “Piss on the mic.” 

How elegant. How obvious. How French. Piss on the Mic.

So, to all you open mic poets out there, or readers of fiction/non-fiction prose, or whatever you call it when we can’t see the line breaks, the next time one of your colleagues is about to take the stage & you want to wish them luck for their reading, don’t say “Break a leg”  —  be a poet, say “Piss on the mic!” They will thank you.