I stare at the computer screen
at an abstract mandala pulsing in the night
the core of a galaxy seen from the Hubble Space telescope
at the center a slightly oval circle, the white light
fading from the disappearing center
dark swirls & tendrils spin out
to the jeweled rim, blue & lavender & magenta light
a dinner ring of stars fading into the black horizon of space.
I watch the live TV image of my own inner space
for a brief moment before the morning cocktail hits the main line
the shining, clear pink walls, traced with the filigree of capillaries
moving constantly towards that open space ahead
the core of my own expanding river of stars.
It was only a movie until the cramps, the oblivion cocktail
then a place more peaceful, more empty than sleep
neither space nor infinity nor eternity
not even the lost memory of dreams
like the place before birth, that time after death
not even white light in the center of the circle.